I am the airport now and I do not wish to
discuss the process of packing; it was far too traumatic. Karen is a bit edgy
at the moment because Brian rung her up again last night asking when they can
meet up. I had forgotten about all that with the drama of the past few days.
That would have to be dealt with when we got back. Right now it is 2am and we
have just gone through security. I beeped because I forgot to take my belt off.
I think they have naked scanners now? That must be an interesting job for
whoever stares at the screen. The measures have become so intense now, and even
the people that have nothing to hide are now hesitant as they walk through.
Everyone looked so anxious and I suppose me strolling through with a grin on my
face didn’t exactly ease the tense crowds. I don’t really have the look of a
terrorist so I hope I didn’t raise too many alarm bells.
Karen is not the only one on edge. I am worried
sick about Zebby because in the end I had no option but to tell Audrey to feed
him for the week. I hope she doesn’t fall asleep and forget. To be fair she was
lovely about it and assured me that Zebby would be looked after. Zebby will miss
me a lot. I wish I could bring him with but it is probably a good thing I
haven’t because Karen has told me that Richard has two huge dogs. I wish she
had of told me this before I booked the tickets. I really hate dogs. Dad
wouldn’t let me have a cat when I was young and insisted we had a dog. I told
him I was scared of them and he just told me I was being pathetic and needed to
man up. He even made me take the dog on walks. Dad called it Buster. What a
generic and shit name for a dog. This was typical of my father: follow the
fucking stereotypes and not think for yourself. Buster died when I was fourteen
and I was glad to see him go. It seems like I was happy when all the members of
my household died. Anyway maybe Richard’s dogs are friendly, but probably not.
I was still looking forward to meeting this Richard. He doesn’t even know I am
coming so I hope it is not too much of a shock.
We had time to kill so we went to have
breakfast at Frankie and Benny’s. It was shit. The sausages were dry, the eggs
were underdone, the bacon was too salty, the mushrooms and tomatoes were tinned
and the conversation with Karen was as dry as the toast. The baked beans were
immense though- you cannot go wrong with Heinz. Karen barely touched her fry up
and I don’t think it was only because it was shit. She obviously had a lot on
her mind and a mediocre fry up was not going to cheer her up. I tried to make
conversation amusing by telling her I was going to go and try sunglasses on in
the sunglasses hut after we had finished, and how she could help me pick a
pair. She just half-smiled... So I tried again by telling her how it was so
long since the last time I had worn shorts, and how I was going to look
ridiculous. I received the exact same reaction. I didn’t really need to ask
what was wrong because it was obvious: you wouldn’t exactly be calm and chirpy
on the way to sort out your mother’s funeral arrangements. Talks of shorts and
sunglasses gave too much of a summer holiday vibe, which on second thought was
inappropriate and stupid of me. I thought about this and then changed the tone
of the conversation to that dreaded more serious tone that I just found so
unnecessary. I made a few awkward sounds, you know the type before you are
about to say something serious. Karen was swirling around the cheap orange
juice in the glass, forming an alternate world from the reality of me talking
shit and not helping at all. In the end, I couldn’t be bothered to say
anything. This saved me from saying something stupid that I would regret. Instead
I took her hand and just told her briefly that I loved her and we should get
going. This time her half-smile was more complete and she nodded in agreement.
It was only an hour until the flight now, and funnily enough I was quite
excited. I don’t think Karen felt the same.
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